


Discordant

by GhostedArmy



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, heavily inspired by music, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 05:37:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12125703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostedArmy/pseuds/GhostedArmy
Summary: discordant (adj.) - not in harmony, conflictingIt was always easier to pretend, in the end, Jay has learned. Plus, most nights, Tim was gentle. Other nights he took what he wanted, curling up with Jay afterwards like a big, dangerous cat.





	Discordant

They were on the road again, running and hiding again. Tim was so tired, so fucking tired of running. Jay was scared, but he didn't want to admit it. He didn't feel like he was allowed to.

They stopped at a bar, some place with cheap beer and greasy food, searching for some resemblance of normalcy in their life.

They were checked into a hotel down the road, just another poorly lit room that they would call home for the next few nights.

“I'm just saying, if we stop, they'll stop coming after us!” Tim yelled, running his hand through his hair. He saw Jay flinch when he raised his voice.

“If we don't record anything and something happens, what then? If we get murdered by strange people under hoods or old friends, what then? We won't have anything! These videos are our source of money, too, if you didn't notice,” Jay argued back, a handheld camera in his hand and his face twisted with ugly fear and desperation and anger.

“Again, I was better a few months ago because I stopped recording, I stopped trying to find answers, but then you had to come along,” Tim spat, his words like acid and they burned Jay.

“Then why are you helping me now? I can do this alone. I should be doing this alone! You're just like Alex! You're only helping yourself!” Jay snapped.

“You know why I'm helping you? Alex knows I'm involved. Last time to caught me off guard, he broke my leg with a block of cement! Then he told you he should have shattered my skull instead!” Tim glared at Jay. “We're only partners because we're working together. We both have reasons to be in this.”

Jay slipped out of the booth, a quiet “fuck off Tim” escaping his lips. He sat at the bar, pulling out a couple dollars and ordering a beer. He pulled out his ID, showing it and gulping down the beer.

He let the alcohol clog his brain, let it cloud his anger and settle his racing heart.

A few minutes later, Tim sat next to him. He ordered his own alcoholic drink, something with vodka. Tim didn't like beer.

“I'm still angry at you,” Tim said, nursing his drink. “But we won't get anywhere fighting like this.” He took another drink, sighing at the burn in his throat.

Jay watched him, frowning. “Let's… hurry up and finish that, we should go back to the hotel and see where we should go next.” Tim nodded in agreement.

“You're right.” Tim downed his drink, pulling out some bills and handing them to the bartender. He got up, reaching in his pocket for his keys.

They got to the hotel, and nearly immediately Tim was on him. He slowly led Jay back to the bed, kissing him harshly. Jay fell, landing with a soft “oof”, and sat up. He watched hungrily as Tim stripped his clothes off, pulling off his jeans and faded shirt.

Jay followed suit, pulling his shirt over his head and unbuckling his belt. He was stopped by Tim grabbing his face, kissing him heatedly.

Jay felt Tim's lips move from his lips, down his neck, and down his chest. He stopped to bite the hipbones jutting out from Jay’s sickly pale skin.

Lately, money was tight, and Jay couldn't remember the last time he had a true meal. They split a bag of chips, or a sandwich, or something a day, saving as much money as they could get a hotel that night.

Jay was brought back to reality by the cold air on his now exposed cock. He shivered, both in anticipation and icy hands on his thighs.

Tim took him in his mouth, and Jay felt the ghost of a moan escape from his lips. Tim always had a way of ripping emotions from his mouth, from his chest, hesitant confessions and crippling fears.

Tim sucked until Jay was throbbing, and he pulled away to dig in his suitcase. He pulled out the oil, coating his fingers and pushing one inside of Jay’s entrance.

There was never any talk, never any questions if he was okay, or anything. Tim did whatever, and Jay went along with it. It helped Tim, and Jay’s sick mind played it up as if their relationship wasn't one of convenience.

It was always easier to pretend, in the end, Jay has learned. Plus, most nights, Tim was gentle. Other nights he took what he wanted, curling up with Jay afterwards like a big, dangerous cat.

Tim was dangerous, Jay thought as he felt the other man enter him. He let out another gasp, panting as Tim ravished his neck. He worshipped him, murmuring sweet nicknames into his skin, and Jay felt his heart swell.

Every “baby”, “sweetheart”, “little sparrow”, ruined him even more. And he was happy, for the first time in his life, to be this broken and ruined over someone. He was happy to be broken, how sad is that?

He let out a little sob, and Tim immediately cupped his face. He gave him sweet Kisses, brushing away the tears.

“Too much, too much, Tim,” he cried out, clutching at the other, tears flowing down his face. Tim pulled out slowly, kissing all over Jay’s face.

Jay sat up carefully, wiping at his face with a hand, and leaned against his lover. His body shook as sobs racked through him, and Tim held him.

Jay was enveloped in his arms. He felt like he was drowning, and instead of fighting, he let himself gasp and take in more emotions, more water. Tim was humming, rocking him slightly.

_“You can coax the cold right out of me,_

_Drape me in your warmth,_

_The rapture in the dark puts me at ease,_

_The blind eye of the storm._

_Let's go for a walk down easy street,_

_Where you can be reborn.”_

Tim's voice was haunting, and enchanting, and Jay let his breathing calm. He reached up, pulling Tim’s face down to his, kissing him over and over and over again. Jay pulled away, looking up at Tim’s glassy eyes.

Tim hated it when Jay cried. He explained it once that it was like seeing a bird without wings, an empty train, a starless night. It was wrong.

That was when everything was good. Before the fighting and the screaming. There were only soft whispers in the night, and sleepy kisses in the morning before checking out.

“Tell me you love me,” Jay whispered, his voice cracking and breaking. “I don't care if you mean it, I just need to hear it.”

“I did love you, Jay Merrick,” Tim breathed, his voice heavy in the dark room. “And I can love you again. We just have to talk, tell each other how we're feeling, we can't push each other away. Talk to me. Open up,” he coaxed, his thumbs pushing away the tears on Jay's face.

“I’m so in love with you, it hurts,” Jay croaked. “But too often you go where I can't follow. You push me out, push me away. I just want to love you and show you we can get passed this.”

He looked up into Tim's dark eyes, his vision blurry with tears.

“I wanted to marry you.” Jay blinked, and he felt the tears fall onto his cheeks. “I wanted to marry you and have a house and a family with you, Tim. I still do, but you're pushing me away and pushing me out.” 

Tim stared at him, and the room was silent for a few minutes. Jay trembled in Tim's arms, and Tim kissed him, a phantom of a touch. Tim leaned back, humming out another tune.

_“Come with me, my love,_

_To the sea, the sea of love._

_I want to tell you,_

_How much I love you.”_

He held Jay, kissing him.

“We'll get married. We'll get better. We can be happy,” Tim murmured into Jay’s hair.

“This Operator thing is tearing us apart. The guy in the hood won't leave us alone. Alex will find us,” Jay grabbed at Tim.

“We'll stop filming. We'll get a place, start a new life. You'll soar again, my little sparrow,” Tim whispered, holding him close.

Jay let out a shaky cough, clearing his throat. They sat there for a few minutes, just curled into each other.

“You're shivering,” Tim said lightly, slipping off the bed to reach into Jay’s bag and pull out a pair of boxers. He helped Jay put them on, pulling on a pair of his own as well.

Jay watched him, sort of dazed, and let Tim pick him up. He struggled slightly, but managed to pull the covers back and lay Jay down. He slipped in next to him, wrapping his arms around his waist, and Jay tucked his head into Tim’s neck.

He closed his eyes, and the last thing he felt was Tim gently intertwine their fingers. He didn't dream, but Jay couldn't decide if that was better than the vile, malevolent creatures that usually hounded his sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> again. I am so sorry.
> 
> I wanted Jay to cry.
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @fullofcynicism


End file.
